Okay, this is another idea I had before this movie came out. If I could just act on my brilliant ideas or turn them into a screenplay, I’d be rich (see also Wedding Crashers). A little background to ensure you believe me. I went to college at UC Santa Barbara and lived in Isla Vista for 5 great years. During the summer I’d always go home and sublet my room out for dirt cheap since the town kind of empties out. After graduation, my friends and I conceived the idea that we should rent out a place for the summer and it would only cost each of us a few hundred bucks. We spent a lot of time talking about heading back up there for weekends or whenever we could get away. Lounging on a beachside deck, drinking pitchers at all our old haunts, and checking out the latest crop of talent that stayed for the summer. Needless to say, we never did it, I never wrote a screenplay about it, and now I’m just plain jealous every time I watch Old School. I digress. Let’s get on with the quotes.
- Dear Mitch, if you’re holding this letter you already know. The house has been boarded up. The doors. The windows. Everything. We’re at the Comfort Inn. Room 112. I love you. Frank
- When I get back I’m going to show you something I like to call crouching tiger, hidden penis
- Fuckin’ every now and then I fall apart and I need you now tonight. I fuckin’ need you more than ever
- You’re my boy, Blue! You’re my boy
- Mitch: I’ve had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some fucking sleep.
Beanie: Whoa. Whoa. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say “earmuffs” to him, and you can say “Fuck, shit, bitch.”
Frank: Cock. Balls.
Beanie: I’m just trying to make a point, Frank. You don’t have to celebrate it - I see Blue, he looks glorious
- I built Stereo City from the ground up, and I can barely read
- You’re on the rebound. You’re like an injured young fawn who’s been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness
- That’s the way you do it! That’s the way you debate! (I end every argument with this gem. Get’s them every time)
- You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?
- Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he’s crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers
- You can use a little teeth but we don’t want to be a biter. Now ladies these carrots are not gonna ejaculate themselves. Get into it!
- We’re going streaking!!!!
- Oh, that’s funny to you? You won’t be laughing when someone prematurely pops in your face. It stings. And that is now why I have a lazy eye
- I want to thank you very much for coming to the official Mitch Martin freedom festival. He’s the very successful, very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini-bar
- Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it’s so good!
- I’m here for the gangbang
- Ok, ladies the secret to a good BJ is focus. I don’t care if we’re talking about your husband of ten years or some hot sailor you met a TGI Fridays
- Mitch: Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
Cab Driver: I recommend you stop being such a faggot. You’re in the backseat - You are beautiful. But no offense, he, he is the king. You are having pie and coffee with a living legend
- He left me with a little something called herpes. Which I then gave to the dog. But that’s neither here nor there
