There's Something About Mary - Quotes

I distinctly remember going to check out this movie with a few friends. It was the first movie in a long time where everyone was laughing throughout the film. Not just your every day laugh, but full on gut busters, snorts and knee slappers. The Farrelly brothers have a knack for straddling the comedic line of funny and distasteful…ok they are more on the distasteful side, but it works for me! By the way, whatever happened to Chris Elliot? Guy practically vanished after this film.

What about Brett Fav… ruh?
Oh man! How’d you get the beans above the frank?
Mary: I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat sausages, and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That’s my ad, print it up.
Brenda: “Fatty who likes golf and beer.” Gee, Mary, where are you gonna find a gem like that?
Listen to this: 7… Minute… Abs
You can’t forget, it’s a sumo culture, Ted. They pay by the pound over there. Sorta like, um, tuna
Dom: You choke the chicken before any big date, don’t you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn’t flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That’s like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that’s why you’re nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you’ve had sex with a girl, and you’re lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you’re not, why?
Ted: Cause I’m tired…
Dom: Wrong! It’s ’cause you ain’t got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will fuck you’re head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his load – now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you’re no longer trying to get laid, you’re actually… you’re thinking like a girl, and girls love that
Mary: You’ve been to Nepal?
Pat Healy: Not in months, I don’t know why I bought the damn place
Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans!
The last time I had a pap smear, the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker
Pat Healy: My real passion is my hobby
Mary: Really, what’s that?
Pat Healy: I work with retards
Mary: Isn’t that a little, uhm, politically incorrect?
Pat Healy: Well, heh, to hell with that… no one’s going to tell me who I can and can’t work with, right?
Mary: No, I mean…
Pat Healy: We got this one kid, Mongo… He’s got a forehead like a drive-in movie theatre, but he’s a good ship. So we don’t bust his chops too much. So, one day Mongo gets out of his cage…
Mary: They keep him in a cage?
Pat Healy: Well, it’s just an enclosure…
Mary: No, but they keep him confined?
Pat Healy: Right, yeah
Mary: That’s bullshit!
Pat Healy: Well, that’s what I said! So, I went out and I got him, uh, I got him a leash
Mary: A leash?
Pat Healy: Yeah, one of those ones you can hook on the clothesline, and he can run back and forth and, uh, there’s plenty of room for him to dig and play. That kid is really, uh, he’s really blossomed
Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?
Husband… negative. Children and a Labrador… negative. Tight little package… affirmative
Hitchhiker: 7’s the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 dwarves. 7, man, that’s the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin’ on a branch, eatin’ lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea. It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office.
Ted: Why?
Hitchhiker: ‘Cause you’re fuckin’ fired!
Is that… is that hair gel?