Funny movie lines from Knocked Up

This movie has an important life lesson that I will never forget. Thank you for this message, Knocked Up. Kids, pay attention. Wrap the weasel. That’s it. Done. Life lesson. You’re welcome.

Fuck me in the beard
If it grows from the ground, it’s probably okay
You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter
Hey, don’t let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!
You look like Babe Ruth’s gay brother… Gabe Ruth
Just smoking a joint. Drinking some beers. You know…Rockin
She like-a the way your dick taste
I’m gonna throw you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88
Life doesn’t care about your vision. You just gotta roll with it
You know, the best thing for a hangover is weed
That’s not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities
Granted, gynecology is only a hobby of mine, but it sounds to me like she’s crowning
You know how they say to never drink and drive? Well, never drink and bone
Debbie: I’m not gonna go to the end of the fucking line, who the fuck are you? I have just as much of a right to be here as any of these little skanky girls. What, am I not skanky enough for you, you want me to hike up my fucking skirt? What the fuck is your problem? I’m not going anywhere, you’re just some roided out freak with a fucking clipboard. And your stupid little fucking rope! You know what, you may have power now but you are not god. You’re a doorman, okay. You’re a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, so… Fuck You! You fucking fag with your fucking little faggy gloves
Doorman: I know… you’re right. I’m so sorry, I fuckin’ hate this job. I don’t want to be the one to pass judgement, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach, I get the runs from the stress. It’s not cause you’re not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can’t let you in cause you’re old as fuck. For this club, you know, not for the earth
Debbie: What?
Doorman: You old, she pregnant. Can’t have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That’s crazy, I’m only allowed to let in five percent black people. He said that, that means if there’s 25 people here I get to let in one and a quarter black people. So I gotta hope there’s a black midget in the crowd