Adventureland DVD

If you watch Adventureland don’t ever expect to win that big ass stuffed animal at your local fair. After I watched it, I didn’t even bother to try and sink a basket on the hoop that’s too small for the basketball and I’m damn good at basketball. I do love fairs though, so I’ll still go, but mostly for the food. Every year it seems like they find more stuff to fry. This year took top honors though. I mean, we’ve all see the fried artichoke hearts, fried mushrooms and even the fried Twinkie. But, how about fried butter?!?!? Yes my friends, I witnessed a booth that was slinging fried butter. You could even back that up with some chocolate covered bacon. I also witnessed a fresh vomit pattie within 15 yards of this booth. Needless to say I kept walking and sought safe haven in a turkey drumstick the size of my arm.

• We pay little Malaysian kids 10 cents a day to make these toys, we can’t just “give” them away
• Yeah, Frigo was my best friend. Then, I turned four
• Hey, James… you still have anymore of those baby joints?
• Hey, litterbug! In the clown mouth!
• My theory is you can’t just avoid everybody you screw up with. You can trust me on that because I’m a New Yorker
• We are doing the work of lazy, pathetic morons
• Oh, but I’m an atheist, maybe more of a pragmatic nihilist I guess or an existential pagan if you will…
• A little more than 40% of these fish are dead
• Cabbie, hot dog vendor, marijuana delivery guy. The world is my oyster
• “Audentes Fortunas Juvat”, Fortune Favors the Bold. Virgil said that
• That was a whole corndog!
• Tommy Frigo: James, don’t get all drunk and fall asleep or anything.
  James Brennan: Why not?
  Tommy Frigo: Because I’ll jack off on your face

Pretty sweet soundtrack right here

• I’m Waldorf. We’re here to heckle “The Muppet Movie”
• That’s pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn’t hop, I’d be gone with the Schwinn
• Listen, when you’ve been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you’ve seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every falling star
• Bernie: You, you with the banjo, can you help me? I seem to have lost my sense of direction!
  Kermit: Have you tried Hare Krishna?
• I’m a professional. I’ve had three performances
• I hope you appreciate that I’m doing all my own stunts
• Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?
• El Sleezo Patron: Hello, sailor, buy me a drink?
  Kermit: Well, you see, I’m not a sailor, I’m a frog.
  El Sleezo Patron: Oh, cut the small talk and buy me a drink.
  Kermit: I don’t even know you.
  El Sleezo Tough: Hey. Did you make a move with my girl?
  Kermit: No, sir.
  El Sleezo Patron: He did too. He touched me.
  El Sleezo Tough: Ugh. Wash up, you’ll get warts.
  Kermit: That’s a myth.
  El Sleezo Tough: Yeah, but she’s my “myth”!
  Kermit: No, no, myth, myth!
  Myth: Yeth?
• Miss Piggy: Ooh, you mad, impetuous fink, it’s champagne!
  Insolent Waiter: Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho
• No frog’s gonna make a monkey out of me!
• Max, find me a frog and a bear in a tan Studebaker
• And now, filling in for the vacationing El Sleezo Dancing Girls, the funny, furry, fabulous – Fozzie Bear!
• We am, is, are, and be, they whom as are known as: The Electric Mayhem!

• Hi Ogie. Buy you a soda after the game?
• I may be bald, but at least I’m not chickenshit!
• Anybody throws me against the boards I’m gonna piss all over myself
• What are you guys brothers?
• You do that, you go to the box, you know. Two minutes, by yourself, you know and you feel shame, you know. And then you get free
• Peterboro Referee: I got my eye on the three of you. You pull one thing, you’re out of this game. I run a clean game here. I have any trouble here, I’ll suspend ya.
  Steve Hanson: I’m listening to the fucking song!
• If Hanrahan’s wife’s a dyke, does that make him a fag?
• Ya remember the guy who used to purposely get penalties just to go in the box and masterbate
• I’m gonna walk down that stinkin’ runway, open up this faggot robe and wiggle my dick at ‘em! And do you know why? Because I want you to have a heart-attack and die so we don’t have to do this shit again! You and your fucking fashion shows!
• Reggie Dunlop: You know, your son looks like a fag to me.
  Anita McCambridge: I beg your pardon?
  Reggie Dunlop: You better get re-married again, or he’s gonna have someone’s cock in his mouth before you can say Jack Robinson.
• Against the rules. You know, you’re stupid when you do that. Just some English pig with no brains, you know
• Hey coach I’m gunna change my name: Killer, Dave Killer Carlson
• Reggie Dunlop: What are you guys doing?
  Steve Hanson: Puttin’ on the foil!
  Jeff Hanson: Every game!
  Jack Hanson: Yeah, you want some?
• Hi. You know Toe Blake? No?
• Dave’s a killer!
• Why do they have to cover up their juggs like that with all them feathers This isn’t art, this is sex!!!!

• Honestly, Boon, you’re twenty-one years old. In six months you’re going to graduate, and tomorrow night you’re going to wrap yourself in a bed sheet and pour grain alcohol all over your head. It’s cute, but I think I’ll pass this time
• Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps
• Double secret probation
• Larry’s evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out. Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it
  Larry’s good conscience: For shame! Lawrence, I’m surprised at you!
  Larry’s evil conscience: Aw, don’t listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You’ll never get a better chance
  Larry’s good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you’ll despise yourself forever… I’m proud of you, Lawrence
  Larry’s evil conscience: You homo
• A pledge pin on your uniform?!
• Sophomore dies in kiln explosion? Oh My God! I just talked to her last week… She was going to make a pot for me
• Otter: Let me give you a hint. She’s got a couple of major-league yabbos
  Boon: Beverly!
  Otter: No. But you’re getting warmer. Here’s another: “Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!”
  Boon: Marlene! Don’t tell me you’re gonna pork Marlene Desmond!
  Otter: Pork?
  Boon: You’re gonna hump her brains out, aren’t you?
  Otter: Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience
• Your Delta name is…. Pinto. Why Pinto? WHY NOT!
• Zero point two… Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta house? One point six; four C’s and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day… HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu – MR. BLUTARSKY… ZERO POINT ZERO
• Dad! Mom, Dad, this is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month. We have to get married
• See if you can guess what I am now. I’m a zit. Get it?
• Food fight!
• Dean Vernon Wormer: Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
  Greg Marmalard: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They’re each outstanding in their own way
  Dean Vernon Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I’ve got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode
  Greg Marmalard: You’re talking about Delta, sir
  Dean Vernon Wormer: Of course I’m talking about Delta, you TWERP!
• May I have 10,000 marbles, please
• Can I buy you some lunch? Oh, you got your lunch. Well, how about some milk? Got your milk too. Can I just massage your thighs while you eat?
• Do you mind if we dance with your dates? (MaMeatloaf likes to go to high school proms and pull this line on those little twerps. They always say yes. MaMeatloaf is pretty damn cool like that)
• Katy: Boon, I think I’m in love with a retard
  Boon: Is he bigger than me?