Ma Meatloaf

Hold My Ball Sack – Bad Teacher (2011)

Ma Meatloaf — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:39:12 +0000

Bad Teacher has it’s moments. Namely the car wash scene. Carmen Diaz’s long legs, soaked with water, writhing around on cars like Tawny Kitaen in a Whitesnake video, but that’s besides the point. We’re here for quotes and Amy Squirrel, Elizabeth Halsey and Russell Gettis deliver. Now hold my ball sack.

Amy Squirrel: Listen, I don’t wanna tell you how to run your class. But maybe it might be fun to try some ice breakers. Like telephone charades or the string game.
Elizabeth Halsey: Are we gonna have a problem, me and you?
Amy Squirrel: Go…no! Eliz…if I gave you that impression, well I…I’m so sorry! Because actually I was really hoping we could be more than just across the hall mates.
Elizabeth Halsey: I don’t know what you heard, but I don’t eat muff pie.
Amy Squirrel: No, of course not. I don’t even know what that is. I just meant friends
Twilight, what did we talk about in class? Throw it through her, not at her
I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn’t getting laid until he’s 29. that’s what I know
Lemme tell you something right away. “A”… Orientals test better. “B”… every couple of years we get these cockamamie charges coming in from various parts of the state and – lemme duh-dat – You should hear the things that they call me!
Well, that’s my spiel, as the Jews say
I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?
Elizabeth Halsey: Sign my yearbook
Russell Gettis: Hold my ball sack
Hello titties
Hi, I’m a math terrorist with close ties to alge-bra. I have weapons of math instruction!
Elizabeth Halsey: So basically, if I was gonna go out with you, I would be making the conscious choice to be dating a gym teacher, who lives in a shop with four dogs?
Russell Gettis: I prefer to think of it as two people, with amazing bodies, sharing those bodies with each other. Giving each other the gift of these bodies

Bridesmaids – I Feel Bad For Your Face (2011)

Ma Meatloaf — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 22:34:11 +0000

I ended up being pretty impressed with this movie. Not quite the “Hangover” for chicks that everyone was touting it to be, but still very entertaining. I especially enjoyed the acting chops of Kristin Wiig and Melissa McCarthy. McCarthy really brought back memories of the late, great Chris Farley. Take that as a compliment you large, funny lady.

I’ve seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial
If I wasn’t a cop anymore, I would still go out with a gun and shoot people
At first I did not know it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad handwritten book
I’m glad he’s single because I’m going to climb that like a tree
You are more beautiful then Cinderella! You smell like pine needles, and have a face like sunshine!
You’re like the maid of dishonor
Yeah, oh, shit. Took a hard hard violent fall, kinda pin-balled down hit a lot of railings, broke a lot of shit. I’m not gonna say i survived I’m gonna say I thrived. I met a dolphin down there and I swear to God that dolphin, looked not at me, but into my soul, looked into my Goddamn soul
You’re really doing it, aren’t ya? You’re shitting in the street!
I want to apologize. I’m not even confident on which end that came out of.
This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick

Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller? – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

Ma Meatloaf — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 22:49:43 +0000

Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller? That right there might be the most commonly uttered movie quote when you’re in school during roll call and someone doesn’t “here”. Anyone? Anyone? Yes, I’m right. Everyone has seen this movie and knows how great it is. I’m sure 90% of you have tried to rig the sleeping dummy and coughing tape mix in your effort to ditch school and have the parents think you were sick. Did anyone pull it off? Highly doubtful. You know who is gold is in this flick? The principal, Ed Rooney. He pretty much makes this movie. Too bad he turned out to be a pedophile. Wacky.

Ferris Bueller, you’re my hero
If you’re not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend
Ferris: Look, it’s real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we’ll take off
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We’ll drive home backwards
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it
Um, he’s sick. My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it’s pretty serious
It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. “Voodoo” economics
The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude
We’ve seen everything good. We’ve seen the whole city! We went to a museum, we saw priceless works of art! We ate pancreas!
Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive
Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t come to the door right now. I’m afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!
Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine
The question isn’t “what are we going to do,” the question is “what aren’t we going to do?”
You have reached the Coughlin Brothers Mortuary. We’re deeply sorry we are not able to come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, we will get back to you as soon as humanly possible

Wayne’s World – She’s Magically Babelicious (1992)

Ma Meatloaf — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 04:17:39 +0000

In my humble opinion it’s pretty difficult to take a popular SNL skit and bring it to the big screen and have success. Some notable disappointments include Coneheads, A Night at the Roxbury, Ladies Man, etc. In fact now that I think about it, only Blues Brothers and Wayne’s World do their skits justice and possibly even more. Thoughts? Zang. (”excellent” in Cantonese)

Ahh… the Mirth-Mobile…
Wayne: Tell me, when the first show is over, will you still love me when I’m an incredibly humungoid giant star?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne: Will you still love me when I’m in my hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne: Will you still love me when I’m in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne: Okay, party. Bonus.
It’s like he wants us to be liked by everyone. I mean Led Zeppelin didn’t write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees
Benjamin Kane: Oh, actually all champagne is French, it’s named after the region. Otherwise it’s sparkling white wine. Americans of course don’t recognize the convention, so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white “champagne”, even though by definition they’re not
Wayne: Ah yes, it’s a lot like “Star Trek: The Next Generation”. In many ways it’s superior but will never be as recognized as the original
Russel: It will be Terry’s job to give the actors their hand cue
Wayne: Excuse me, Russel, but I believe I requested the hand job…
I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored
That is a babe. She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class
Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?
Wayne: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper: Well, I’m a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century
Pete: Hey, isn’t “Milwaukee” an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it’s pronounced “mill-e-wah-que” which is Algonquin for “the good land.”
Wayne: I was not aware of that
Did you ever see that “Twilight Zone” where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn’t die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool, huh?
Benjamin is nobody’s friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he’d be pralines and dick
Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries
She’s a fox. In French she would be called “la renarde” and she would be hunted with only her cunning to protect her.
Garth: She’s a babe
Wayne: She’s a robo-babe. In Latin she would be called “babia majora”
Garth: If she were a president she would be Baberaham Lincoln
I definitely smell a pork product of some kind

Rumplestilskin’s a Good Man – Big Daddy (1999)

Ma Meatloaf — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 23:34:12 +0000

We all know Adam Sandler does his best acting when he acts like a little kid (see Billy Madison) and this movie is no different. His relationships with kids in his movies is pretty priceless. I can’t imagine how these kids pull off a scene with him without pooping or peeing in their pants. Haha. Poopie. Man, I could pull of the Sandler kid thing too. Pee. Pee.

Hey, the money I won in the cab accident is kicking ass in the stockmarket, so relax!
Hey, stay away from the frozen food section, Corinne! Your boobs’ll harden
Man this Yoohoo is good, you know what else is good, smoking dope. I ain’t gonna rat you out. You know, puffing the cheeba, go by the see saw smoke a j
…but I wipe my own ass, I wipe my own ass!
They went together like lamb and tuna fish
Ow, Scuba Steve! Damn You!
Phil D’Amato: And for the record, where did you work while attending medical school?
Corinne: Hooters
Hi, Julian! How ya doin’? I’m Scuba Sam, Scuba Steve’s father. You see, my boy needs to take a bath, the only problem is he’s afraid to bathe alone. So, I was wondering if you’d keep him company in the tub.Terrific, and after your bath, you need to try and study hard because if you want to be in the Scuba Squad, you have to be smart.
What’s in the bag Corrine? Chicken wings? Booby tassles?
My friends make fun of me all the time, too. I’ve seen them, like, twenty-five times. Tommy Shaw, when I was, like, sixteen years old, I was at the concert, he actually reached out and grabbed my hand, pulled me up on stage, and I got to do the robot voice for Mr. Roboto!
You have a belly button, well we all have belly buttons. You know what? We all love Yoohoo, especially Yoohoo with a little rum

If your name is Steve or you have a friend like Steve, buy this shirt now! Chicks will dig you!