One, Two, Three, Foreskin! – Year One (2009), Movie Lines and Quotes
Ok, I know its been awhile since I’ve posted. My apologies. I was busy watching Year One every night for that last 3o nights trying to figure out who the Shaman was. I knew I liked him, but couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t want to cheat and look at the credits either, hence my repeated viewings. Finally, I figured it out! Love that guy. The first person who can guess who it is (you can even cheat too) by commenting below will win a free dvd of my choosing. On with the quotes.
- They’re wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll
- Well, there won’t be any berries in the fruit salad now, so we all lose
- I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. All my brain blood was in my boner
- Oh: I’m a virgin by choice.
Zed: Ha. Not your choice! - What transpires within the confines of the walls of Sodom, stays within the confines of the walls of Sodom
- We are the Hebrews. Righteous people – not very good at sports
- Hey, I’m peeing on my face too… on the inside!
- Loincloth rising
- Did you shoot my cow?
- Don’t worry she’s not a virgin anymore! She’s with me!
- I saved a life with my love making!
- Muscle tribe of danger and excellence
- That is quite a coincidence, I want you to sit on the poley of poleys
The Brain! – Waiting… (2005), Movie Lines and Quotes
Waiting is the best comedy you’ve never heard of. Or at least I had never heard of until a couple years ago. One of my friends told me about this movie and said I needed to see it. Maybe it’s the lame title that slipped by me, but I can’t believe I didn’t see this thing in the movie theater or hear others raving about it. I love this movie. Ryan Reynolds is better in this than in Van Wilder and that’s saying a lot. Now, take a look at that Batwing, bitch! And, remember to not piss off your waiter or waitress.
- There are few things in this world more unsettling than going in the back to grab some condiments and end up staring at a huge, steaming pile of cock
- So far I’ve made 15% of jack shit
- Ma’am, I don’t doubt the steak was over-cooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?
- A little floor spice makes everything nice, there you go
- It’s like we’re stuck in a fucking time paradox where neither our wisdom nor your virginity will ever escape
- You need to invent your own penis-showin’ game
- With women, it’s always one of two things. Either they won’t sleep with you, and then there’s really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you… and then there’s really no need to ever call them again
- Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?
- Take a look at the bat wing, Bitch
- Well its official, my penis is now just for show
- And that’s the Abraham Lincoln, but remember, you gotta shave it so it looks like his beard, otherwise, it don’t count
- Okay, well, that just about covers all the different variations that we have. But you know, we’re always looking for new positions. So look next time you got a little down time, you find yourself a little bored, play with your nuts, you know what I’m saying? See what you come up with, okay? It’s all good
- Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch
I Call It Twatting – Couples Retreat (2009), Movie Lines and Quotes
Vince Vaughn pretty much rules this movie. This guy is rapidly ascending my top comedic actor list. I know it’s pretty much the same schtick every movie…rapid speech, big eye expressions, etc., but he’s mastered it and for some reason I don’t get tired of it. Another reason to watch this movie is for the yoga scene. I guarantee you will cracking up during this scene. That’s all I’ll say.
- Dave: Is his junk literally out of his pants?
Ronnie: Yes.
Dave: Now it’s a party - You own a zebra, I own a goat, what the hell does that have to do with cheating on your wife?
- I don’t want to see a video about ball cancer
- I feel your anger… I got your blood pumping.. yes, no, now use it… harness it…. Boom!
- With what you are wearing, you are attracting guys who wear their pants around their ass
- Take the French out of your mouth and tell me what to do
- This looks like a screensaver
- I hold a lot of tension in my upper thighs
- Here is my karma on you
- Feel the energy through your chest, your peacock chest
- Encouragement, yes!
- The Code?Asstastic… Yes, Asstastic. A-S-S-TASTIC did you get that? Are we good? Good
- It’s like a little kid gets a puppy for the first time, just hugs it so much, snaps it’s neck. It’s puppy cradle death syndrome. All that love is gonna snap that puppy
- Please don’t pee in that, it’s not a real toilet
- Please, allow me to put on something more proper
Quid Pro Quo, Douchebag – The Hangover (2009), Movie Lines and Quotes
Oh, man. Yet another movie I have lived through. Ok, maybe not the part where you stay in the deluxe suite at Caesars Palace (substitute The Frontier complete with picketing workers out front), the tiger in the bathroom (substitute barf in the bathroom), Mike Tyson singing (substitute Kirov, our Russian Taxi Driver singing) and a naked Asian man in the trunk (substitute a…..ok I have experienced the naked Asian in the trunk). Anyway, I could relate to this movie. I used to love Vegas and now it scares the crap out of me. Movies like this and Very Bad Things show how easy it is for everything to go wrong.
- Stop! You’re getting too close to my shaft!
- We tend to do dumb shit when we’re fucked up
- Hey, you guys ready to let the dogs out?
- It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it’s not a purse, it’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.
- Okay, well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a ri-tard
- I look like a nerdy hillbilly!
- Not you, fat Jesus
- Oh, you know what? Next week’s no good for me… The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it’s totally fine.
- He’s jackin’ his little weenus!
- I’m not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school… or a Chuck E. Cheese
- I have this cousin Marcus who saw one he said it blew his mind I want to make sure I never ever miss out on a Haley’s comet
- Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine
- Listen to me, I’m gonna’ tell you something. I know some sick people in my life, this guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life!
- Fuck this tiger!
- Here’s something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
I Like… Unicorns – Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) , Movie Lines and Quotes
Who doesn’t like a good ‘ol game of dodgeball? I have fond memories of playing this ancient past time back in the day. I was pretty damn good too…usually making it to the last few people before my teacher Mr. Lazarus would knock the crap out of us. Not too hard when your a 6′6″ southpaw with an arm like Nolan Ryan. Grown man picking on little kids. Bastard. On a side note, this one goes out to you Mr. Rip Torn. I admire your comedic work and the fact that your house looks like the bank you were found in. Oh and the fact that you pack heat. Gangsta!
- If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball
- I ain’t crazy and I ain’t a guy
- That is pure poppycock!
- The dread pirate Steve be in no man’s debt. I’ll make a barter with ya; true as the north star. In exchange for your kindness, I’ll be sharing me buried treasure with ya… once I find it, that be
- Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation
- Your “gym” is a skidmark on the underpants of society
- Too bad Hallmark doesn’t make a “Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony” card
- My sweet dick, it’s magic! (Wow, this could be my new favorite line ever)
- You had me at blood and semen
- Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade… Laser… Blazer…
- You’re going down like a sweet muffin!
- There’s no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I’m just kidding. But seriously, I’ve got ‘em
- Do you smell that fitness? I do
- Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro! - Son, you’re about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop!
- I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don’t have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya, it feels phenomenal!
- Peter La Fleur: There’s someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there’s two somebodies for one person. I like to call that “the jackpot” - This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue: “Drunken Hussies 3″, “Backdoor Patrol 5″ and “Bona Lisa Smile”. Thank you
