Sorry Folks, Park’s Closed – Vacation (1983)
In honor of summer, I couldn’t help but share some lines from Vacation. Everyone loves Vacation. Makes me want to pack up the wagon and hit the road to check out the rest of our glorious country. Especially if it means finding a topless Christie Brinkley (circa 1993, not now…ewww) in the hotel pool.
- I don’t give a frog’s fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna’s purse?
- I’m making out a check for $1000, all you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep the $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep
- Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?
Pimp: Fuck yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much - Hey Knucklehead, set us up with four Red eye’s will ya?
- Do you ever “bop your baloney”?
- Ellen: I honestly don’t think we’re going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
Clark: Jesus, it’s only the biggest God-damn hole in the world.
Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest. - Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?
Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun - I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’ll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of you’re assholes! I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
- Why aren’t we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that
- Sorry, folks! We’re closed for two weeks to clean and repair America’s favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!
- I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack
You’re So Strong-ish – Adventureland (2009)
Adventureland DVD
If you watch Adventureland don’t ever expect to win that big ass stuffed animal at your local fair. After I watched it, I didn’t even bother to try and sink a basket on the hoop that’s too small for the basketball and I’m damn good at basketball. I do love fairs though, so I’ll still go, but mostly for the food. Every year it seems like they find more stuff to fry. This year took top honors though. I mean, we’ve all see the fried artichoke hearts, fried mushrooms and even the fried Twinkie. But, how about fried butter?!?!? Yes my friends, I witnessed a booth that was slinging fried butter. You could even back that up with some chocolate covered bacon. I also witnessed a fresh vomit pattie within 15 yards of this booth. Needless to say I kept walking and sought safe haven in a turkey drumstick the size of my arm.
- We pay little Malaysian kids 10 cents a day to make these toys, we can’t just “give” them away
- Yeah, Frigo was my best friend. Then, I turned four
- Hey, James… you still have anymore of those baby joints?
- Hey, litterbug! In the clown mouth!
- My theory is you can’t just avoid everybody you screw up with. You can trust me on that because I’m a New Yorker
- We are doing the work of lazy, pathetic morons
- Oh, but I’m an atheist, maybe more of a pragmatic nihilist I guess or an existential pagan if you will…
- A little more than 40% of these fish are dead
- Cabbie, hot dog vendor, marijuana delivery guy. The world is my oyster
- “Audentes Fortunas Juvat”, Fortune Favors the Bold. Virgil said that
- That was a whole corndog!
- Tommy Frigo: James, don’t get all drunk and fall asleep or anything.
James Brennan: Why not?
Tommy Frigo: Because I’ll jack off on your face
Pretty sweet soundtrack right here
Nerds! – Revenge of the Nerds (1984) Movie Lines and Quotes
Another blast from the past. How can you not enjoy Revenge of the Nerds? For all you nerds out there, one of these guys must have given you a glimmer of hope: Booger with his crudeness and booger picking, Lamar with his limp wristed javelin throw, Takashi with his drunk bicycle riding skills or Lewis with his great laugh. These guys fought the fight and won! Just like that Braveheart guy. Study hard and get the chicks!
Dean Ulich: Frankly, I’m not too wild about this next even but it has become a tradition here at Adams: The Belching Contest
Dean Ulich: First up, Frederick Palowakski
Fred “The Ogre” Palowakski, Alpha Beta: It’s “Ogre” you asshole!
Dean Ulich: “Ogre, you asshole.”, uh “Ogre”- This is bullshit! I want bush, pan down
- I thought I was looking at my mother’s old douche-bag, but that’s in Ohio
- Nerds saw me naked!
- Mopery is exposing yourself to a blind person
- I thought I was looking at my mother’s old douche-bag, but that’s in Ohio
- Clap your hands everybody, and everybody clap your hands. We’re Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu. We come here on stage tonight to do our show for you. We got a rockin’ rhythm and a hi-tech sound that’ll make you move your body down to the ground. We got Poindexter on the violin, and Lewis and Gilbert will be joining in. We got Booger Presley on the mean guitar and a rap by little ol’ me Lamar. We got Takashi beating on his gong, the boys and the Mu’s are clapping along. And just when you thought, ya seen it all, along comes a Lambda four foot tall. So Wormser come on out here on the floor, so we can move our bodies, like never before. Break!
- What the fuck’s a frush?
- Booger: Big deal! Did you get in her pants?
Gibert: She’s not that kind of girl, Booger.
Booger: Why? Does she have a penis? - Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex
- Hey guys…… wonder joints
- Booger: Step aside momma, I wanna see some of that muff!
Takashi: Oh Hair pie! Hair pie!
One, Two, Three, Foreskin! – Year One (2009), Movie Lines and Quotes
Ok, I know its been awhile since I’ve posted. My apologies. I was busy watching Year One every night for that last 3o nights trying to figure out who the Shaman was. I knew I liked him, but couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t want to cheat and look at the credits either, hence my repeated viewings. Finally, I figured it out! Love that guy. The first person who can guess who it is (you can even cheat too) by commenting below will win a free dvd of my choosing. On with the quotes.
- They’re wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll
- Well, there won’t be any berries in the fruit salad now, so we all lose
- I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. All my brain blood was in my boner
- Oh: I’m a virgin by choice.
Zed: Ha. Not your choice! - What transpires within the confines of the walls of Sodom, stays within the confines of the walls of Sodom
- We are the Hebrews. Righteous people – not very good at sports
- Hey, I’m peeing on my face too… on the inside!
- Loincloth rising
- Did you shoot my cow?
- Don’t worry she’s not a virgin anymore! She’s with me!
- I saved a life with my love making!
- Muscle tribe of danger and excellence
- That is quite a coincidence, I want you to sit on the poley of poleys
The Brain! – Waiting… (2005), Movie Lines and Quotes
Waiting is the best comedy you’ve never heard of. Or at least I had never heard of until a couple years ago. One of my friends told me about this movie and said I needed to see it. Maybe it’s the lame title that slipped by me, but I can’t believe I didn’t see this thing in the movie theater or hear others raving about it. I love this movie. Ryan Reynolds is better in this than in Van Wilder and that’s saying a lot. Now, take a look at that Batwing, bitch! And, remember to not piss off your waiter or waitress.
- There are few things in this world more unsettling than going in the back to grab some condiments and end up staring at a huge, steaming pile of cock
- So far I’ve made 15% of jack shit
- Ma’am, I don’t doubt the steak was over-cooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?
- A little floor spice makes everything nice, there you go
- It’s like we’re stuck in a fucking time paradox where neither our wisdom nor your virginity will ever escape
- You need to invent your own penis-showin’ game
- With women, it’s always one of two things. Either they won’t sleep with you, and then there’s really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you… and then there’s really no need to ever call them again
- Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?
- Take a look at the bat wing, Bitch
- Well its official, my penis is now just for show
- And that’s the Abraham Lincoln, but remember, you gotta shave it so it looks like his beard, otherwise, it don’t count
- Okay, well, that just about covers all the different variations that we have. But you know, we’re always looking for new positions. So look next time you got a little down time, you find yourself a little bored, play with your nuts, you know what I’m saying? See what you come up with, okay? It’s all good
- Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch
