Now That’s How You Get Pink Eye – Knocked Up (2007), Movie Lines and Quotes
This movie has an important life lesson that I will never forget. Thank you for this message, Knocked Up. Kids, pay attention. Wrap the weasel. That’s it. Done. Life lesson. You’re welcome.
- Fuck me in the beard
- If it grows from the ground, it’s probably okay
- You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter
- Hey, don’t let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!
- You look like Babe Ruth’s gay brother… Gabe Ruth
- Just smoking a joint. Drinking some beers. You know…Rockin
- She like-a the way your dick taste
- I’m gonna throw you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88
- Life doesn’t care about your vision. You just gotta roll with it
- You know, the best thing for a hangover is weed
- That’s not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities
- Granted, gynecology is only a hobby of mine, but it sounds to me like she’s crowning
- You know how they say to never drink and drive? Well, never drink and bone
- Debbie: I’m not gonna go to the end of the fucking line, who the fuck are you? I have just as much of a right to be here as any of these little skanky girls. What, am I not skanky enough for you, you want me to hike up my fucking skirt? What the fuck is your problem? I’m not going anywhere, you’re just some roided out freak with a fucking clipboard. And your stupid little fucking rope! You know what, you may have power now but you are not god. You’re a doorman, okay. You’re a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, so… Fuck You! You fucking fag with your fucking little faggy gloves
Doorman: I know… you’re right. I’m so sorry, I fuckin’ hate this job. I don’t want to be the one to pass judgement, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach, I get the runs from the stress. It’s not cause you’re not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can’t let you in cause you’re old as fuck. For this club, you know, not for the earth
Debbie: What?
Doorman: You old, she pregnant. Can’t have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That’s crazy, I’m only allowed to let in five percent black people. He said that, that means if there’s 25 people here I get to let in one and a quarter black people. So I gotta hope there’s a black midget in the crowd
You Farted? – I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (1988), Movie Lines and Quotes
I’m not sure which one of my roommates had this movie on VHS, but man this baby got a lot of play in the dorms our freshman year. I had never heard of it previously, but after watching it over 50 times, I sure could quote it. My roommates and I would always have to do the Chris Rock lines whenever the cafeteria was serving ribs. I guess those workers never saw the movie, because they never found it funny. Anyhow, I like this movie and you should too. This is blaxploitation at its finest people. Pay attention and you might learn something.
- Chris Rock: How much for an order of ribs?
Bartender: $2.50
Chris Rock: $2.50? How many ribs come in an order?
Bartender: Ah…about 5.
Chris Rock: So…each rib is about 50 cent?
Bartender: Yeah…that’s about right
Chris Rock: Well I’ll have one rib
Bartender: Okay, one order of ribs
Chris Rock: No…no, no, I mean ‘one rib’
Bartender:…One rib?
Chris Rock: I sure am hungry
Bartender: Ah…make that ‘one rib’….
Chef: Aw…’one rib’….? Geez…
Bartender: You want anything else with that?
Chris Rock: How much is a soda?
Bartender: A dollar
Chris Rock: Aw come on man…look out for a brother
okay, I’m make a deal with ya, just pour it into a
glass and I’ll take a lil’ sip for 15 cents.
Bartender:….my glasses cost more than 15 centers…
Chris Rock: Okay, fuck the cup, pour it into my
had for a dime
Bartender: LISTEN YOU LITTLE GEASY-HAIR JERI CURL,
YOU PAY ME AND GET THE HELL OUTTA MY BAR
Chris Rock: Got change for a hundred? - Don’t make me hop after you
- Look, a family full of midgets is not considered kids. That’s a Gang!!
- Yes, we marched on the Federal building. Five hundred of us young brothers, full of outrage. They were hiring that day. The brothers came with guns; they left with jobs. Oh, yes, whitey is very tricky
- You two big motherfuckers in here cookin’ red beans and grits – you call that business?
- Willie: I heard you screamin’ from all the way over there, and…
Leonard: I wasn’t screamin’, all right?
Willie: But I heard you…
Leonard: I wasn’t screamin’! I was whistling!
Willie: You was whistling “Willie, help get this bitch off of me”?
Leonard: Yeah! - Bitch better have my money, rain, sleet, or snow. Bitch better have my money. Not half, not some, but all my cash. Cause if she don’t I’m a put my foot dead in her ass!
- So, it’s just you 57 cops against KUNG FU JOE? Master of KUNG-FU, KARATE, JIU-JITSU, and all kinds of other shit you ain’t never heard of! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
- They’re my theme music. Every hero’s got to have some
- Cheryl: Well, after you left, he started getting into drugs and stuff. Things got really bad when he…
Jack Spade: Well, what? Cheryl, come on!
Cheryl: He started wearing gold chains, Jack.
Jack Spade: Oh, God, no! - Everyday, I see kids walking around, killing and stealing for gold chains. I see kids with medallions so big they can hardly stand up, all stooped over and shit, trying to carry that stuff. But, what’s really awful, man, is you see a young brother with this cheap imitation electroplated gold crap around their necks. And, it breaks out in this funky green rash, with these bumps and shit; it just makes you wanna puke
Poll Time – Favorite Animated Comedy
Loading ...Like Warm Apple Pie – American Pie (1999), Movie Lines and Quotes
As far as I know, American Pie was the first to coin the word MILF. That right there puts them up high in my book. Think about it, the writers created a word that is tossed around as often pizza dough in Little Italy. That’s amazing. Dude should get a bonus. Wonder if he or she was the same sicko that thought of the apple pie scene? I mean c’mon a nice lemon meringue would have been so much more tasteful.
- Boys, boys, boys. I’m on the offensive, the Sherman tank is going back in, locked on target, flying in stealth mode under enemy sex radar, ready to make the payload – again
- I’m a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady
- This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy
- No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn’t getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we’re not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!
- It’s like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it’s not a game
- M-I-L-F Mom I’d Like to Fuck!
- Go trig boy! It’s your birthday!
- Mom? Shitbreak?
- What’s my name? SAY MY NAME BITCH!
- I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed
- You realize we’re all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us
- Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny
- I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day
- Friends call me Nova as in Casanova
Stupid Is As Stupid Does – Forrest Gump (1994), Movie Lines and Quotes
Gump is just good people, you know? Great, great movie. Little long, but well worth the watch. As for quotability, shoot, even my pops can quotes some lines. He loved ‘ol Bubba and his shrimp dialogue. I can still see him sticking out his bottom lip…shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. My favorite part of the movie is when little Forrest teaches Elvis how to properly do a pelvic thrust dance. Good stuff.
- Hello. My name’s Forrest, Forrest Gump. You want a chocolate?
- I’m sorry I ruined your New Year’s Eve party, Lieutenant Dan. She tasted like cigarettes
- That’s all I have to say about that
- That kid may be the stupidest son of a bitch I’ve ever seen, but he sure is fast!
- I am living off the government tit! Sucking it dry!
- There was Dallas, from Phoenix; Cleveland – he was from Detroit; and Tex… well, I don’t remember where Tex come from
- Sorry to ruin your black panther party
- Bumper Sticker Guy: Hey man! Hey listen, I was wondering if you might help me. ‘Cause I’m in the bumper sticker business and I’ve been trying to think of a good slogan, and since you’ve been such a big inspiration to the people around here I thought you might be able to help me jump into – WOAH! Man, you just ran through a big pile of dog shit!
Forrest Gump: It happens
Bumper Sticker guy: What, shit?
Forrest Gump: Sometimes - Nobody gives a hunky shit who you are, pus ball. You’re not even a low-life, scum-sucking maggot. Get your ass on the bus, you’re in the army now!
- When I was in China on the All-American Ping Pong team, I just loved playing ping-pong with my Flexolite ping pong paddle
- Like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That- that’s about it.
- Bubba: My given name is Benjamin Buford Blue, but people call me Bubba. Just like one of them ol’ redneck boys. Can you believe that?
Forrest Gump: My name’s Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump - My momma always said, “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
