• There are few things in this world more unsettling than going in the back to grab some condiments and end up staring at a huge, steaming pile of cock
• So far I’ve made 15% of jack shit
• Ma’am, I don’t doubt the steak was over-cooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?
• A little floor spice makes everything nice, there you go
• It’s like we’re stuck in a fucking time paradox where neither our wisdom nor your virginity will ever escape
• You need to invent your own penis-showin’ game
• With women, it’s always one of two things. Either they won’t sleep with you, and then there’s really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you… and then there’s really no need to ever call them again
• Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?
• Take a look at the bat wing, Bitch
• Well its official, my penis is now just for show
• And that’s the Abraham Lincoln, but remember, you gotta shave it so it looks like his beard, otherwise, it don’t count
• Okay, well, that just about covers all the different variations that we have. But you know, we’re always looking for new positions. So look next time you got a little down time, you find yourself a little bored, play with your nuts, you know what I’m saying? See what you come up with, okay? It’s all good
• Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch

I’m a firm believer that Anchorman just gets better and better every time you see it. I’ll admit I wasn’t a huge fan after the first viewing, but now I can’t get enough of Ron Burgandy and Co.

• I killed a guy with a trident!
• I’ll have three fingers of Glenlivet, with a little bit of pepper… and some cheese
• You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature buddha, covered in hair
• Just doing my workout, Tuesdays arms and back
• Jazz flute is for little fairy boys!
• It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good
• I’m gonna punch you in the ovary…straight shot to the baby maker!
• Oh by the knights of Columbus that hurts!
• San Diego…it actually means Whale Vagina
• I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn’t cotton candy like the guy said… my tummy itches
• Go fuck yourself San Diego
• People call me the Bry man; I’m the stylish one of the group. I know what you’re asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes – my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang
• She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again
• I pooped a Cornish game hen
• I’m Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded
• I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science
• Como Estan Bitches?
• I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch (I order this way at the local bar…they think it’s funny…especially after the 50th time.)
• Sweet Lincoln’s mullet
• We have a saying in my country – the coyote of the desert likes to eat the heart of the young and the blood drips down to his children for breakfast, lunch and dinner and only the ribs will be broken