Ma Meatloaf » Randy Quaid

Sorry Folks, Park’s Closed – Vacation (1983)

Ma Meatloaf — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:46:36 +0000

In honor of summer, I couldn’t help but share some lines from Vacation. Everyone loves Vacation. Makes me want to pack up the wagon and hit the road to check out the rest of our glorious country. Especially if it means finding a topless Christie Brinkley (circa 1993, not now…ewww) in the hotel pool.

I don’t give a frog’s fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna’s purse?
I’m making out a check for $1000, all you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep the $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep
Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?
Pimp: Fuck yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much
Hey Knucklehead, set us up with four Red eye’s will ya?
Do you ever “bop your baloney”?
Ellen: I honestly don’t think we’re going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
Clark: Jesus, it’s only the biggest God-damn hole in the world.
Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest.
Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?
Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun
I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’ll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of you’re assholes! I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Why aren’t we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that
Sorry, folks! We’re closed for two weeks to clean and repair America’s favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!
I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack

Ishmael Likes Me – Kingpin (1996), Movie Lines and Quotes

Ma Meatloaf — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 22:19:15 +0000

I enjoy the occasional night out at the bowling alley. Some Budweisers, soggy nachos and smelly shoes. All good right? But you know what makes it better? When you get that guy in the next lane sauntering up with his ball bag, shiny swirly yellow ball, custom made wrist guard and his own damn bowling shoes. Now, that my friends, makes my bowling night a success. Kingpin captures the beauty of the bowling lanes and its cast of weirdos and I love them for that.

Some corn stalks were broken and I tried to fix them
One more time, sweetness
Tanqueray and Tab and keep ‘em comin’
Hi. Not you. Hi.
Run for the hills everybody, there’s a giant shit-cloud coming
Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don’t mow another guy’s lawn
I don’t puke when I drink. I puke when I don’t
The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn’t kickin’ mine
It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he’s the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He’s got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst
Hi Mr. Skidmark
Your act is about as fresh as a Foghat concert
What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger
Jonathan, run a fly pattern all the way to the goal line. Tennessee! Kentucky! Find the meat! Uh, deeper, Jonathan
Roy: Hey, I hope you don’t mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one, whew.
Mr. Boorg: We don’t have a cow. We have a bull.
Roy: I’m gonna brush my teeth
I’m unable to have children. Nasty cheese grating accident as a boy
Just because you’re familiar with the missionary position doesn’t make you a missionary