• Fuck me in the beard
• If it grows from the ground, it’s probably okay
• You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter
• Hey, don’t let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!
• You look like Babe Ruth’s gay brother… Gabe Ruth
• Just smoking a joint. Drinking some beers. You know…Rockin
• She like-a the way your dick taste
• I’m gonna throw you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88
• Life doesn’t care about your vision. You just gotta roll with it
• You know, the best thing for a hangover is weed
• That’s not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities
• Granted, gynecology is only a hobby of mine, but it sounds to me like she’s crowning
• You know how they say to never drink and drive? Well, never drink and bone
• Debbie: I’m not gonna go to the end of the fucking line, who the fuck are you? I have just as much of a right to be here as any of these little skanky girls. What, am I not skanky enough for you, you want me to hike up my fucking skirt? What the fuck is your problem? I’m not going anywhere, you’re just some roided out freak with a fucking clipboard. And your stupid little fucking rope! You know what, you may have power now but you are not god. You’re a doorman, okay. You’re a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, so… Fuck You! You fucking fag with your fucking little faggy gloves
  Doorman: I know… you’re right. I’m so sorry, I fuckin’ hate this job. I don’t want to be the one to pass judgement, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach, I get the runs from the stress. It’s not cause you’re not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can’t let you in cause you’re old as fuck. For this club, you know, not for the earth
  Debbie: What?
  Doorman: You old, she pregnant. Can’t have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That’s crazy, I’m only allowed to let in five percent black people. He said that, that means if there’s 25 people here I get to let in one and a quarter black people. So I gotta hope there’s a black midget in the crowd

I’m a firm believer that Anchorman just gets better and better every time you see it. I’ll admit I wasn’t a huge fan after the first viewing, but now I can’t get enough of Ron Burgandy and Co.

• I killed a guy with a trident!
• I’ll have three fingers of Glenlivet, with a little bit of pepper… and some cheese
• You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature buddha, covered in hair
• Just doing my workout, Tuesdays arms and back
• Jazz flute is for little fairy boys!
• It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good
• I’m gonna punch you in the ovary…straight shot to the baby maker!
• Oh by the knights of Columbus that hurts!
• San Diego…it actually means Whale Vagina
• I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn’t cotton candy like the guy said… my tummy itches
• Go fuck yourself San Diego
• People call me the Bry man; I’m the stylish one of the group. I know what you’re asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes – my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang
• She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again
• I pooped a Cornish game hen
• I’m Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded
• I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science
• Como Estan Bitches?
• I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch (I order this way at the local bar…they think it’s funny…especially after the 50th time.)
• Sweet Lincoln’s mullet
• We have a saying in my country – the coyote of the desert likes to eat the heart of the young and the blood drips down to his children for breakfast, lunch and dinner and only the ribs will be broken